Cool New Ways to Be Affectionate

Aren’t you just SO tired of quenching your need for physical touch in the same stupid ways?  Like, would somebody get some innovation over here please? Holding hands: Dumb. Fist bumps: No good. Making out: UGH so BOoOooooRRRiiNNNgGgG. It’s time to show the world you’re a creative lover—without turning your bedroom into a fair. Cause… After…

How Cincinnati Works

According to a recent study, conducted at the Red’s Stadium, sample size: 6 Cincinnati is by far the best city in Ohio. But for every cheese coney, there’s a dark secret: AKA a bunch of stuff I just DON’T get. So let’s navigate each quirk together—and just because I’m pointing them out doesn’t mean we should try to fix them….

How Big of a TOOL Are You?

Last week, the 8th grader who shadowed me at work told me no one calls each other tools anymore, and that I should probably just delete this. Thanks Braden, you were right. Ever walk away from a conversation wondering, “Was I being a tool?” Or the slightly more aware: “Boy, I wonder how big of a tool I…

9 Things I Don’t Miss About Being a Kid

^^Laugh at children. We are superior. There are many things to miss about childhood: Naps, Flintstone Vitamins, and predictable body functions to name a few. There are also 9 things we should all be glad died young. BOOM. And they’re below. Asking for Snacks Growing up, every time I wanted to shove a Ho Ho down my pie hole…

#BadStartUps: Kit Men

Has your cat only burned through 6 of its 9 lives? Would your quality of life improve if Scooter was 6-feet under? Feel guilty about killing your cat with your own cold, dead hands? Well shut up and grab some mittens—it’s time to call the Kit Men. **Now that I have you attention, this post…

Operation Roommate—10 Reasons We’re a Perfect Match

Guys, #TotalEmergency. In 2 short months my roommate is dead to me flying the Cincinnati coop, totally trading down for a life in CLEVELAND. Are you KIDDING?? You’re probably wondering, “what does this mean for me?” Nothing, unless you want to CHANGE YOUR LIFE and live with me: Christian Richard “Little Dickie” Jaekle! To help you…

2016—Make a Comeback, Make Your Enemies Cry.

The New Year means everybody is all about making a “comeback”—exercise more, save money, be present —sounds exhausting. Defend yourself from “new year, new you” syndrome with these conversational comebacks that’ll keep your lifestyle complacent and your loved ones off your case. 1) “Eat healthier” – Your Doctor “I’m gaining weight for an upcoming movie……