Social etiquette for idiots like me

If you’re anything like me, COVID wasn’t kind to your social skills. For example, before the pandemi-lovato, I said things like “please”, “thank you”, and “Sorry for existing, can I get a burrito with white rice?” Now, I mute myself to burp, stage-4 manspread – and eat spaghetti with my hands! Because masks are today’s…

Boomers’ first social media guide

Do you ever claim to live a “No BS” lifestyle then realize you’re 1000% BS? Me neither. This is actually my first-ever attempt at what my therapist calls “sayin’ it straight.” Which is code for saying a bunch of crazy stuff disguised as truth. And then delivering it with angry eyebrows! You know the ones….

The horrors of entering your “late twenties”

Me: Alexa, at what age do you enter your “late twenties”? *Sips hot milk with a soft smile* Alexa: Age 27 Me: It’s official. I’m on death’s door. I’m not gonna lie, getting old is hard for me. And it’s not just because new apps are being released that I don’t understand. TikTok whaddup. Or…

How to behave in a pool as an adult

July Fourth is coming up and about two-thirds of us are screwed. Let’s set the scene: You slide open the glass door at your Great Aunt Ida’s house to find like 100 dead cats!!! a 16′ x 32′ sized problem in the backyard. Sure, growing up I could spend all day at the pool playing…

How to make friends in 2019

Have you ever realized you have absolutely nothing to offer intellectually? Let’s start over. My favorite icebreaker question yes, I’m one of 4 people who LOVES those is: If you had to give a TED talk, what would it be about? I’ll be honest, there are very few things I know a lot about, but…

How to trick strangers into thinking you have cool hobbies

You know what question is the literal worst? Or the slightly more desperate … Well, here’s the truth and it hurts: I’ve NEVER been able to give a good answer to this question. Usually, I get real uncomfortable and then there’s some weird stare down until somebody walks away. And it’s usually me, RUNNING AWAY…

Cringy things I’ve done that still keep me up at night

At least once I week, I lay awake at night tormented by my past. It looks EXACTLY like this: Let’s get this out of the way:  I’m a magnet for awkward situations. Strangers approach me, shout insane things at me and then run away. Kids tell their parents I look easy to beat up. At a…

6 Ways to Fight Your Self-diagnosed Seasonal Affliction Disorder

Did you wake up this morning and immediately start crying? Don’t worry, friend. It’s not you – it’s everything else. In fact, this morning, thousands of Midwesterners had to cut kissing their sister short in favor of scraping off their vehicles. Before last week, Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD!) seemed like a stage 4 farce. That all changed when…

Life’s a Romp – My Life in a Romper!

“Christian, don’t you think that title’s a little redundant?” – Graham Bowling “NO.” – The Public This fall has been a total romp. Alright, already. And by total romp, I mean I wore a powder blue, men’s jumper to Lebanon’s 35th Annual Country Applefest. Was that smart? Nope. Did I lose a bet? Yep. It…