You know what question is the literal worst?
Or the slightly more desperate …
Well, here’s the truth and it hurts: I’ve NEVER been able to give a good answer to this question. Usually, I get real uncomfortable and then there’s some weird stare down until somebody walks away. And it’s usually me, RUNNING AWAY FROM YOU.
The following are typical Christian Jaekle answers …
- I’m a blogger!
AKA I post once a quarter and spend the rest of the time writhing in Catholic guilt about the last one. - I like music. “Nice! what instruments do you play??”
*Crickets* - I’ve done 2 sprint triathlons in the past 3 years. But, my bike super nova-ed and almost killed me on that last one. So technically I’m a BI-athlete. Do you find that interesting??
- I’m so SooOOCiIiaLL!!
Not a real hobby. - I belong to like 100 church groups.
That’s a sign you need more hobbies, Christians HAVE to like you. - I love Survivor. Yes, Season 38 looks sick. No, they’re not out of ideas, please stop asking me that.
I’m proud to tell you that one day while I was sitting in my backward-facing car seat – which is where my roommates make me sit when I bore the entire room – I developed a neat little system that keeps you and your hobbies at the center of attention. It’s called Christian’s House of Hobbies™! Oh no, he named it.
And it goes a little something like this …
Step One: Find something you did once – and then blow it WAY out of proportion. 📈
Let’s see this in practice:
After my last triathlon, I left my bike rack on my car for 3 weeks because I was waaaay too busy eating corn chips to take it off. To my delight, I noticed that after 15 days of conditioning my teammates driving my Kia Soul SPORT to work, people started talking about it!
Coworker: “Dude, Christian, where do you ride?”
Me: “What.”
Second interaction went a little smoother…
Different Coworker: “Hey hey, Christian J. Where do you ride?”
Me: “Everywhere.”
Step Two: Go there, do that, buy the T-shirt. 👕
How you dress says it all about your hobbies:
- Athleisure says: I’m refined like my hobbies, but I also ran here.
- A permanent fedora says: This hat is my hobby.
- A Yale crewneck says: I’m wearing this ironically, but I wish I wasn’t.
- Waders say: I only have 5 minutes before I have to get back to the set of my OceanSpray commercial.
Step Three: Give your hobbies an international twist. 🚢
Pull a Giada De Laurentiis and go all-in on one international-sounding word. Not only does this add credibility, but it also makes you deliciously intriguing.
Giada’s favorite word is MOZZARELLA.
Do you doubt her expertise? I wouldn’t.
Here are some cool international-sounding hobbies:
- Sometimes I cruise around my *ARCHIPELAGO*
- I’m an avid player of *JUMANJI*
- I can dance like hot *WASABI*
Also, say it with finger guns. They’ll be so stunned/impressed they physically won’t be able to follow up with more questions.
Step Four: Just post it, you pirate 🏝
There’s no need to travel when you can download stock images from Google and post them as your own. Don’t have time to book fly fishing in Greece? Just post these and sit in your basement for up to two weeks. Cameras today are amazing, and anyone who notices those watermarks and calls you out for them is toxic.
Step Five: DIY: Just do it. ✂️
Here’s a hobby hack: An👏y👏one can have an Etsy shop. All you have to do is make stuff – you don’t even have to be good at it. As evidenced by EVERYTHING on Etsy.
Here are a few ideas you can have for free …
Bath Buddies™
Whittle pre-made bath bombs into slightly smaller bath bombs that strike an uncanny resemblance to your friends, neighbors or celebrities. Plus, everyone’s had a weird dream where they’ve taken a bath with Leonardo DiCaprio. Don’t be ashamed, it’s just a fact.
ApocaLIPS™
Chapstick for men stored in a gun shell. Men hate lipstick and they love Call of Duty.
Hole-ySmokes™
This blanket’s too hot, this blanket’s too cold. This blanket I bought on Amazon and then cut a giant hole in the middle is just right.
Huge shout out to bestie Danny Baron for letting me use ALL OF his things for my feature photo. In fact, he’s so talented and mind-blowingly handsome you should click here to use him as your realtor.
Don’t forget your Jaekle Jaekle Jam:
x
Christian Mingle
The Mingle by Christian 
Don’t forget about your snorkeling hobby and your talent for writing Christian worship music. You are also a designer of sorts. Lest we forget that you totally started the male reverse crop top trend.