Cool New Ways to Be Affectionate

Aren’t you just SO tired of quenching your need for physical touch in the same stupid ways?  Like, would somebody get some innovation over here please? Holding hands: Dumb. Fist bumps: No good. Making out: UGH so BOoOooooRRRiiNNNgGgG. It’s time to show the world you’re a creative lover—without turning your bedroom into a fair.

Cause…

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After years of clinical trials, I’ve deemed these public displays of affection the barn burners Greatest Hits. So even if you’re as creative as a stack of hay with eyes, you should be able to find something that works for you.

The Spock Shake

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Fuzzies: 2/5  | Creativity: 3/5 | Intentions: Innocent

Spread ’em—your fingers! On your next encounter, throw your pals for a barrel roll by beaming yourself into their heart. These interlocking Vulcan salutes are a simple way to say, “I love you to the moon and back, Space Rat!”  I know nothing about Star Trek.

The Ripe Turnip

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Fuzzies: 0/5  | Creativity: 5/5 | Intentions: Can you handle my baggage?

Someone trying to grab coffee with you to deepen your relationship? SCREW THAT. MAKE THEM WORK FOR IT. Curl up into a ball and transform yourself into a 168 pounds of dead weight. Cause when you’re this rich with dietary fibers, Vitamin C, and potassium… they gotta be able to chew through your harsh exterior, before they can get to your sweet innards.

The Mulan Hug

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Fuzzies: 1.45/5  | Creativity: 11/5 | Intentions: Wanna play lacrosse sometime?

Get down to business with this Mulan-style hug that’ll have the huns heading for the hills. Just like Shan Yu on top of the Emperor’s palace, you’ll be feelin’ fireworks for your person of interest.

Planking Your Pals

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Fuzzies: 0/5  | Creativity: 0/5 | Intentions: Pay Attention to Me

Bring planking back for one night and one night only. It’s like limping to first base after getting hit in the junk with a fast ball.

Reverse Planking Your Pals

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Fuzzies: 10/5  | Creativity: 10/5 | Intentions: Am I Pregnant??

Go borderline inna-pro-pro BARF by pulling a Virgin Mary on the lap of your target. Sorry fam—TRYING to keep it G-rated around here.

Hugging Like a Lion

Fuzzies: 4.29/5  | Creativity: 3.34/5 | Intentions: nala

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Bring some Pride Rock to your next barbecue by getting totally Nala-ed by your neighbor. There’s nothing like the intimacy of prolonged neck-to-neck contact—especially when it looks like you’re about to play tonsil hockey.

The Russian Ballad

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Fuzzies: Grrr/5  | Creativity: Who Cares/5 | Intentions: Putting on mass

Answer your call to stoic manhood by throwing on a stern expression and leaping into the arms of another man.

Heart Leapsimg_20160922_225950

Fuzzies: 5/5  | Creativity: 5/5 | Intentions: Lost my contacts, send me a DM. LOL!

Show instagram just how cute you can be! This public declaration of brotherhood/sisterhood/an unhealthy codependent relationship means you’ve shared a toothbrush while camping—or worse—claimed one of their farts as your own. These, are the two greatest acts of love.

That’s it! Good luck practicing on your stuffed animals.

Got any inventive PDA of your own to share? I’ve got 2 lips ears!

* Remember to leave room for Jesus, God, and the Holy Spirit at work. They’re all HUGE.

Don’t forget your Jaekle Jam:

X

Jaekle

 

 

3 Comments Add yours

  1. Kathy Jaekle says:

    Ok I say this about every one you write buddy…your best one yet!
    Wow I swear though Danny and Grant are very patient with you!
    Love you,
    Mom

  2. John DeNoma says:

    Moms are the best

    1. Maybe she should write the next one… 😜. Miss you man!

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